Wednesday, December 5, 2007

from my hospital room to depression at home

You may know by now that I spent a week in the hospital with a bacterial blood infection.  My immunities had been dangerously low for at least five weeks and I finally got sick.  I started feeling bad on Thanksgiving Day and the Saturday following Thanksgiving I woke up with a fever of 104.5 degrees.  I went to the local emergency room almost immediately; they admitted me and figured out what was wrong with me quite quickly.  They put me on three IV antibiotics and around the clock fluids. 
I don't remember much of my first two days in the hospital, except that I had a very high fever, was freezing with chills, was badly dehydrated, drank huge amounts of water, and generally felt miserable.  On the third day I felt a bit better.  I asked the nurse if my condition had been life threatening.  All she would tell me is that any blood infection is potentially life threatening.  They told Krissy privately that my condition had been serious.  They almost never tell the patient anything that might be upsetting.  
They kept me in the hospital for almost a week, then my doctor sent me home with a prescription for a strong antibiotic.  I'm doing much better now except for a bleak depression that I can't get rid of. 
This depression surprises me because I rarely get depressed.  I think my depression was triggered by a fairly close brush with death.  I think as my recent illness moves farther into the past the depression will fade. 
It's very hard for me to write when I'm depressed, so this is the first thing I've written in the week that I've been home.  I'll try to write the conclusion to the journal entry I started just before Thanksgiving, and finish it soon, but it will probably be slow going. 
Krissy has written about my recent illness in her journal, Sometimes I Think.  Thank you for your comments, emails, prayers, and concern for both of us.  You have helped both of us a lot. 
I'll try to finish that journal entry I started two weeks ago.  Thank you for your support.


  1. John, I believe it's only natural for someone to be depressed from time to time especially going thru all that you have endured.  When I get down, I take out my Bible and start reading...this time of the year....the story of the birth of our Savior always lifts my spirits.  When I think of his humble birth I can't help but feel blessed that He came into this world for all of us. Born in a manager, so that we can have life and have it more abundantly.  May the Lord bless you, John, with a special touch of His love today.   Linda in Washington state  

  2. Welcome back John. I'm not surprised you are feeling down at the moment, you have been through a lot this past week or so, and given us a scare.  You must feel very drained and weak, which always makes you feel a bit depressed.  I hope you start to feel better over the next few days or weeks, it will take time.
    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
    Take care John

  3. I am so glad you are home!  

  4. Merry Christmas my friend. Tammy

  5. You've been in my prayers and i'm so glad your home as are others here in J-land.  With all you've been thru in your life, you're allowed to feel depressed.  Hang in there!  You'll be feeing better about things soon.

  6. ((((((((((((((((((JOHN))))))))))))))))))I am always praying for you,and with what all you been throguh,I would also say your aloud to be depressed.Always in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. I am glad you are home now! I know how hospitals can become depressing! I had a day of dreprssion when I was in.

    ~~Make it a Great day~~


  8. Glad to have you back John....June:)

  9. Dear John..........
    With all you have been threw I think you are intitled to a little depression. The fact that you no it is there and are facing it will make it go away soon. After 64 years of life I suffer from depression so I no how you feel. I do get help but my faith in God is what saves me. God is with you John.
    Feel Better, Blessed & Merry Christmas to you. Keep Well.

    Prayers Hugs & Love

  10. I'm so glad you are home and safe. Sometimes when people get sick it throws off your brain chemical balance, so a bit of depression is inevitable. I hope you feel better as the days go on and are getting ready to really celebrate this holiday season with your loving devoted wife.
    You are a blessed man.

  11. John just take it one day at a time, you've been through a lot dear and it's understandable that you are feeling a little down. Talk with your Doctors and tell them how you feel depressed, maybe they can help you with this.  Know we all care about you and Krissy....take care. Arlene (AJ)

  12. Praying you'll soon be feeling more like yourself.  - Barbara

  13. I am so sorry you are feeling depressed, honey.  I do understand this.  I, too, got shocked and depressed the few times I realized I was closed to death or cheated death.  I am so sorry.  I am here for you!  I love you!  Merry Christmas, John!  Love, Val xox

  14. Write that conclusion when the muse strikes John... until then just post what hits you... or not!  Keeping you in my prayers, with Krissy and Michael.  I have had a lot of stuff going on too, and it is hard sometimes not to get depressed.  Come visit me sometime... I have up some cool Christmas pics of our house decorations... they will make you smile.

    be well,

  15. Oh John, anyone human would get depressed at even one of the things you have been through!  

    You are doing great. Your faith is sustaining you and Kirssy is devoted to you.  You are lucky to have the closeness you two share. It moves me to tears....Not every ocuple has this kind of special closeness.

    Keep writing, John, we'll keep reading!